Why Most Marriages Fail


Roughly 50% of all marriages fail and many of those don’t even make it past the first year. Understanding why these marriages fail can be key to ensuring that your own marriage does not fail. Some factors that contribute to the failure of a marriage include a lack of communication or poor communication, financial issues and even the circumstances of the marriage. All of these issues can exist in a healthy and enduring marriage but if they are not dealt with properly they can lead to the failure of the marriage.

Communication is critical to the success of a marriage. Without proper communication, conflict resolution becomes a difficult issue. If the couple lacks the communication skills necessary to resolve their problems, then even the smallest problems will become insurmountable. Communication allows a relationship to grow and thrive by giving the partners an opportunity to share their dreams, concerns, hopes and desires with each other. Without sharing in this way a couple will not grow as close together as possible. Communication also gives the couple a healthy way to resolve their arguments. If one or both partners lack effective communications skills it becomes difficult to resolve arguments because the couple is not able to understand each other’s points of view. If the marriage is already in trouble, both partners in the marriage must be dedicated to working on their communication skills in order to improve or salvage their marriage. The absence of effective communication techniques can lead to the failure of a marriage.

Love may conquer all but sometimes even love isn’t enough to save a marriage when there are significant financial concerns. While financial concerns in and of themselves may not be the cause of a failed marriage the tension that financial concerns create is often the culprit in a failed marriage. Financial concerns can be a heavy burden to bear and when a couple is struggling to meet their financial obligations, there can be a tremendous amount of pressure in the relationship. This pressure may be enough to destroy an otherwise healthy marriage. If one of the partners in the marriage becomes obsessed with the marital finances they can begin to neglect other aspects of the marriage. This neglectful behavior has the affect of making the spouse feel ignored and lonely which can be damaging to a marriage. Often one of the partners will become consumed with the financial affairs and this can be very damaging to a marriage.

Even the circumstances surrounding the marriage can lead to its failure. A marriage of convenience is often not a healthy marriage. When the decision to marry is based on something other than true love, it is likely that the marriage will fair. Some examples of marriage circumstances that often lead to failure are getting married because there is a baby on the way or because the couple is feeling pressure to get married by friends and family members. Neither of these reasons are truly valid reasons for marriage and often leads to divorce. When a couple marries for reasons other than true love the marriage is often doomed before it starts. Marrying too young is another reason why many marriages fail. While the right age to marry varies greatly depending on the person, many people argue that the teens and early twenties are too early to get married. Getting married before you have had a chance to enjoy many of life’s experiences can result in resentfulness in the marriage and can be the cause of failure of the marriage.

Another reason why many marriages fail is that society no longer places importance on the institution of marriage. Today it is common for couples to live together and have children without being married. This degeneration of society devalues marriage and results in a higher percentage of failed marriages. With so little value placed on marriage in today’s society, couples are not committed to making their marriage work and are often quick to give up on the marriage and each other.

Many marriages today are doomed before they even start. Marriage is no longer seen as a necessary step in a relationship so many couples are quick to divorce without making an honest effort to resolve their problems. Communication breakdown, financial difficulties as well as circumstances of the marriage are all problems that can cause many marriages to fail.

 

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Why Communication Breaks Down

One of the most crucial elements in any relationship is communication and when communication breaks down its imperative that you find out the cause of the breakdown so that you can try to fix the problem before it destroys the relationship. Communication can break down in a relationship for a variety of reasons including the birth of a baby, financial strains and distrust in the relationship. Regardless of the cause of the communication break down, it is vital to the health of the relationship to reopen the lines of communication.

While the birth of a couple’s first child may be a glorious and blessed event that they were both looking forward to, the arrival of a new baby may put strains on the relationship. Specifically there may be a communication break down after the baby’s birth. There are a number of reasons why communication breaks down after the birth of a baby. The addition of a new element into the relationship that previously included just the two partners can be stressful. While they don’t begrudge the attention that their partner lavishes on the new baby it does take an adjustment period to deal with the fact that they no longer have their partner’s undivided attention. As the couple learns to balance their time and ensure that both their partner and their child are receiving enough of their attention, there may be a period where the stress of making this adjustment causes a break down in communication. Also, typically the birth of a baby leads to a complete change of schedule as well as a stretch of sleep deprivation for the couple. While the couple may have previously been used to doing things as they please, they now realize that most activities must be planned around the baby’s schedule which is often unpredictable. This new scheduled coupled with the lack of sleep that typically plagues new parents can put a great deal of pressure on the relationship. To avoid this type of communication break down it is important for the couple to realize that they need to allot time to spend with the baby and also with each other. They also need to realize that the sleep deprivation is affecting them both and take turns getting up with the baby. These few simple steps can go a long way in reversing or preventing a communication break down. Although a new couple loves their new baby, the challenge of adapting to the baby’s schedule can be one reason why communication breaks down in a relationship and it is up to the couple to ensure that their relationship does not suffer a communication break down.

A concern over financial matters is another reason why communication breaks down. Struggling with financial issues can be extremely stressful for either one or both partners in a relationship. If one partner typically handles the finances in a relationship they may not wish to worry their partner so they may struggle internally with the financial concerns. While this is a noble gesture, it can also cause a communication break down in the relationship. The one partner may feel that this is a burden they need to bear on their own and therefore avoid talking about the subject with their partner. The problem with this is that in trying to avoid conversations regarding finances they may end up avoiding conversations all together. For example, a conversation about where to go out to dinner may be avoided because thinking about spending too much money on leisure activities causes too much anxiety on one of the partners. The partner who is unaware of the financial concerns may be offended by their partner’s avoidance of a simple conversation. One way to avoid or reverse having a communication break down over finances is to share the responsibility of the finances and openly discuss concerns over financial matters. Doing this will ensure that neither partner becomes consumed by financial matters and allows it to affect the relationship. Finances can induce enough stress to destroy even the most secure relationships by causing a communication break down but planning ahead and speaking openly about finances can help a couple to avoid a communication break down.

Distrust is another factor that can affect communication in a relationship. If one of the partners has a reason to be suspicious of the other it creates a distrust that directly affects communication. Also, if one person has a reason to feel guilty in a relationship, it may result in a break down in communication. This lack of trust or guilt often results in the couple not wanting to communicate either because they don’t want to have their suspicions confirmed or because they don’t want their secret to be revealed. These feelings of suspicion or guilt may lead to strained conversations that are purposefully not very meaningful. One way to avoid a break down in communication in this situation is to always be upfront with your partner. Whether it’s suspicion or guilt that is driving your fear of communication, being honest with your partner will alleviate your fears and reopen the lines of communication. You run the risk of having your suspicions confirmed but it’s better to be sure than to destroy your relationship while doubt remains.

Since open and honest communication is critical to a healthy relationship, it’s important to understand why communication breaks down and work to avoid a break down in communication. Having an understanding of the causes of communication break down will help you to either avoid or reverse this situation. Maintaining or restoring communication can ensure that a relationship endures and thrives.

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Why Men Cheat

The reasons why men cheat in a relationship are often different than the reasons why women cheat. A man’s reason for cheating can encompass a wide variety of reasons including genetics, a sense of challenge, self esteem and a lack of interest in their current relationship. While none are justifiable all of these can be reasons why a man chooses to stray and cheat on his current partner.

Although genetics may factor into why men cheat on their partner it may also just be a week defense for a man who is caught in his unfaithful actions. A theory exists that testosterone levels in men make them more susceptible to infidelity. This theory is based on the hypothesis that men are genetically predisposed to cheating because they are ingrained with the notion that the survival of the species is dependent on their procreation. While this may be true it is certainly not an excuse for unfaithfulness in our age of overpopulation. It may be true that in prehistoric times, men were tasked with populating the earth this is certainly not true today and is not a defensible excuse for cheating on your partner. The truth is that in a truly loving relationship a man should be able to control himself and remain faithful despite any hormonal urges to produce offspring. The theory of man being predisposed to cheating does not hold water because while it may be true, there is no excuse for not being able to quell these urges.

Another reason men cheat is because they feel a sense of challenge in their infidelity. Actually being able to get away with an affair is a challenge that men enjoy. Additionally they enjoy the challenge of finding other women with which to cheat. To them the affair is more about the conquest then anything else. Sure they may enjoy the physicality of the affair, but the pursuit and sneaking around is what really drives men who cheat on their partners. They see fooling their partner as a tremendous accomplishment and they enjoy the logistics of orchestrating the affair without their partner learning of their transgressions. To them the thrill of sneaking around and the fear of being caught creates and adrenaline rush that is more important than the affair or even their current relationship. Men also cheat because they are driven by competition. If there friends are single or cheating on their partners and often have affairs with several women the man may feel that he needs to keep up with his friends. To these men affairs become a way of competing with their friends. Infidelity in men is often driven by a sense of competition.

Many men also engage in affairs because doing so is an ego boost for them. The knowledge that they can find multiple women willing to engage in an intimate relationship with them is a tremendous self esteem builder for some men. They take pride in the ability to attract women and don’t care about the fact that doing so may destroy their relationship. To these men the excitement of the chase is almost more important than the conquest. Sometimes just knowing that other women find them desirable, is enough to stroke the ego of these men. In general it is a lack of self esteem on their part that drives them to seek out affairs in order to reiterate their attractiveness and desirability.

A man who is in an undesirable relationship may also be driven to cheat on their partner. If the relationship has begun to wane and the man no longer feels the same attraction to his partner he may seek out an affair out of boredom. If he feels his current relationship is lacking excitement he may also be driven to cheat in the hopes that he will find the excitement he desires elsewhere. While the wise thing may be to end the deteriorating relationship in search of a new more desirable partner, many men opt to hold onto the current relationship and engage in affairs. This may be because they fear that they may not find what they are looking for and may be left lonely and without a partner so they hold onto the failing relationship figuring that a bad relationship is better than none at all.

Men cheat for a variety of reasons. While none of these reasons may be justified, they do exist. The reasons that men cheat include genetics, competition, self esteem and boredom. In general while genetics may play a small part in the urge for men to cheat the majority of cheating takes place because men cannot control their sexual and competitive urges, are lacking in self esteem or are unhappy in their current relationship.

 

Why Women Cheat

Years ago a woman cheating on her spouse was unheard of but in modern times the number of women who cheat on their spouse is growing exponentially. The differences in men and women cheating is that men often cheat for physical reasons while women often have emotional reasons for cheating on their partner. The reasons why women cheat include loneliness, revenge, boredom and self esteem. These factors may be inexcusable but they do exist in the minds of a cheating woman. More and more women are becoming guilty of cheating on their partners and it is often emotional reasons rather than lust that drive them to these affairs.

Loneliness is one of the primary reasons that women seek out affairs and cheat on their partner. Although it sounds contradictory that they should feel lonely because the women are currently in a relationship, it is often a relationship that is not emotionally fulfilling. Women involved in these unsatisfactory relationships may feel as lonely if not more so than women who are not in a relationship. If a woman is not receiving the attention she feels she deserves in a relationship, she may be tempted to seek that attention elsewhere and become involved in an affair. A partner who becomes overly involved with his work or a hobby may not make time to spend with his partner and this often results in the women feeling as if they are all alone. This feeling of loneliness can drive a woman to cheat on her partner. One of the most prevalent reasons why women cheat is that they feel as though their current partner is not lavishing much attention on them and they feel lonely even in his presence.

Revenge has also become and increasing factor in why women cheat. The modern woman is no longer willing to sit back and accept the fact that their partner may cheat on them. If a woman confirms or even just holds a suspicion that their partner is cheating on them, they may be driven to engage in an affair of their own as an act of revenge. The theory of, “An eye for an eye,” has unfortunately trickled down into the realm of romantic relationships and many women see a cheating partner as a justification to have an affair of their own. They believe that they are justified in having an affair if they catch their partner cheating on them. Furthermore they may be extremely hurt by their partner’s actions and seek a way to hurt them in the same way. While it is not a justifiable reason, many women see revenge as an appropriate reason for cheating on their spouse.

Boredom may also factor into why women cheat. Their current relationship may have fallen into a rut and lost the excitement that it possessed in the early stages of its existence. They may feel that their relationship has become dull and predictable and rather than trying to bring excitement into their current relationship they may pursue affairs in the hopes of achieving the excitement they felt when they first became involved with their partner. While an affair may bring about a temporary solution of making the woman feel excited about love again it may ultimately destroy both their current relationship as well as their cheating relationship. An affair is exciting not only because it involves a relationship with a new person but also because it involves sneaking around and ultimately getting away with doing something wrong. To many women this is very exciting and they are willing to risk losing their relationship over their affair. Many women cheat because they are bored with the monotony of their current relationship and they seek to bring excitement back into their life through engaging in an affair.

Another reason why women cheat is a lack of self esteem. Women may feel that they are not getting an adequate amount of admiration from their partner and they may be tempted to cheat to affirm that they are still attractive and desirable. When a relationship meets a stagnant point where the partners are no longer making a conscious effort to reassure each other that they are still desirable, many women begin to feel insecure. This insecurity leads women to seek affirmation of their desirability outside of the relationship in the form of an affair. Being found desirable by another compensates for the lack of longing they feel from their partner and helps to boost their self esteem. While women with a healthy self esteem are more apt to remain happy in a relationship, those that lack self esteem are often driven to cheat on their partners.

Men are not the only ones who cheat on their partners. It is becoming more and more common for women to be guilty of cheating. While women are beginning to cheat as often as men the reasons why women cheat are much different than the reasons why men cheat. The reasons for women cheating are tied tightly to emotional reasons such as loneliness, revenge and boredom.

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What’s Up With Relationship Coaches?

A relationship coach is an expert who literally becomes a part of your relationship for a short time and during that time they evaluate your relationship, act as a visionary in helping you to realize the potential of your relationship and offer tips and guidelines for achieving this potential. A relationship coach often has extensive education in human development or communication and they utilize their educational background to help to enhance your relationship. Relationship coaches are tasked with instilling the skills necessary to produce a more fulfilling relationship and they often do this through listening to your understanding of the problem, observing the couple in action and creating a customized plan of action for the couple. This article will outline the basic functions of a relationship coach and how they can be beneficial in a relationship.

The first step that a relationship coach will often take is to listen to a couple’s complaints about the relationship. While the couple may not be seeing the full problem, their understanding of the existing issues is often a good starting point for a relationship coach to begin her evaluation. It is important that in your initial consultation with a relationship coach, you bring up all of the problems you see with the relationship. While you and your partner may have already discussed these issues at length, your relationship coach needs to hear these issues so that she can be sure to make an effort to observe these issues in the next stage of the process. Being open and honest with your relationship coach about your perception of the problem is crucial to receiving a benefit from the use of a relationship coach. Trying to hide certain issues or neglecting to mention them does not give the relationship coach an accurate representation of your relationship. Furthermore it can be detrimental because if you neglect to mention a particular issue your relationship coach may be inclined to believe that you are satisfied with this aspect of your relationship and may not work to make improvements in this area. In your initial consultation with a relationship coach, you will have the opportunity to offer your take on the relationship and let the coach know what you think is working and what needs improvement.

After the initial consultation a relationship coach will often take some time to evaluate the couple’s relationship through observation. They may come into the couple’s lives on a daily basis and ask them to act normally while they observe the way that the couple interacts. This step is very important because it gives the relationship coach a chance to determine whether or not the couple’s self assessment of their relationship is accurate. The couple may have their own beliefs about why an aspect of their relationship is dysfunctional but through careful observation the relationship coach may determine that the source of the problem is very different from the couple’s perception. While a relationship coach may be able to determine the problems in a couple’s relationship through observation, this is only possibly if the couple makes an honest effort to act naturally during this observation period. If the couple tries to fix their own problems during this phase and does not act naturally it will be difficult for the relationship coach to form a valid opinion about the way the couple interacts.

Once a relationship coach has had the opportunity to meet with the couple and spend some time observing their interactions they will be able to design a customized plan of action for enhancing the relationship and working to improve troubled areas. The relationship coach will often offer exercises for the couple that will help them to see what they are doing wrong in the relationship and how these discrepancies can be fixed. These exercises may involve either role playing activities that address everyday situations the couple faces or tips for communicating in stressful situations when they arise. These exercises may also offer ways for the couple to learn to communicate in new ways for all situations not just those that place stress on the relationship. While the exercises prescribed by the relationship coach may sound either too complicated or too simplistic, it is important to remember that these exercises won’t help your relationship unless you are willing to give them a try.

Finally it is important to realize when relationship coaching will be effective in a relationship. The general rule of thumb is that if you are considering enlisting the help of a relationship coach, then they will most likely be able to help your relationship. The simple fact that you are considering a relationship coach demonstrates that you have faith in your relationship and are willing to work to improve the relationship. If you have never heard of relationship coaches and a friend or relative suggests one and your attitude is that they won’t be able to help you that that is an indication that you have already given up on the relationship and in this scenario a relationship coach will most likely not be able to help your relationship. The use of a relationship coach is most effective when at least one but preferably both of the partners are committed to doing whatever it takes to salvage the relationship.

Relationship coaches may not be for everyone or every relationship but they can be critical in enhancing a relationship in some situations. It is important to realize that relationship coaches can not solve all of your problems but they can offer you solutions for some problems and exercises for working on these problems. If you are willing to put an honest effort into solving some of the problems in your relationship then you may greatly benefit from the advice of a relationship coach.

Jason Smith

Former Marine, IT Guy & Builder of Websites.  I have 5 US states left to visit. I enjoy hot springs, adventures, hiking, photography, sci-fi, wine, coffee & whiskey.  I am fluent in sarcasm, name that tune, & speak in movie quotes.  I spend most of my time building websites, fixing computers, metal detecting, magnet fishing and gaming occasionally.

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