How long do you spend getting ready for a night out? At a guess I would say that if you’re a woman you can probably spend 1 hour upwards preening and titivating and if you’re a man you can be showered, shaved and out of the door within 20 minutes (unless, of course, you’re a metro-sexual in which case you probably take longer than a woman!).
Now let me ask you how long you would spend (or have spent) writing a profile for an online dating site? Less than 5 minutes, possibly 10 minutes maximum?
When you consider that you literally have minutes to impress someone and stand out from the rest in the online dating scene, don’t you agree that more time and effort should be put into writing an online profile?
If you are an online dater, I’m sure you will agree with me that when you are searching for a partner online you will first of all look at the profiles with photos and, secondly, you will look at the profiles where people have taken the time to write something about themselves. So if you have no photo and/or an incomplete and uninformative profile, don’t be surprised if you inbox isn’t full to the brim with messages!
I’m going to share a few tips with you to get you started writing an eye-catching profile. Once you’ve read them take some time to think about what you are going to write and jot down some quick notes before hitting the keyboard.
1. Grab a Friend
If you don’t like writing about yourself or think you are going to get writer’s block it’s a good idea to enlist the help of a friend; the kind of friend who is always saying to you “I can’t understand why you’re still single, you’re such a catch”. Ask your friend what your star qualities are and he or she will come up with a million and one positive things about you which you would have never thought of or dared to say about yourself.
2. Strike a Pose
The most effective way to get noticed online, is to include a photo. Choose a clear photo that shows in your best light and preferably smiling – it makes much better viewing!
3. Choose a Fun Username
This is the name which you will be known as by members on the dating site. I would advise you to use a name other than your real name to remain anonymous. Try and choose a name that is fun and reflects your personality, i.e. Sporty Sam or Disco Queen. Do not use a name which is sexually provocative or offensive.
4. Captivate Your Audience
Make your profile really stand out so that any person reading it will think “Wow, I have to get to know this person!”
Online dating sites have made it easy for you when completing your profile by providing drop down menus for basic questions such as your appearance, lifestyle, hobbies but you will also be given additional space to write something yourself. Use this space wisely to provide a more detailed description about your personality, your interests and what you are looking for. The key is to be confident and talk positively about yourself without coming across big headed.
5. Don’t Leave an Empty Space
If you feel you have covered everything by answering the profile questions – please do not leave the additional space blank or write “ask me”, “tell you later” or “I don’t know what to say”. Members will see your profile and think you’re either not serious about dating or that if you can’t be bothered to put some effort into writing a profile you will have the same approach in a relationship – effortless! Instead extend on the information already provided, for example, if you have stated you like travelling talk about some of the places you have visited.
6. Ask Questions
If there is a particular place you visited and fell in love with, ask anyone who has been there to get in touch with you so you can reminisce together. Asking a question in your profile makes it easy for other members to respond to.
7. Be Honest
Don’t lie about interests; you will get found out! For example, don’t say you love long walks in the countryside if you really like to dance the night away in nightclubs every weekend. You’ll attract the wrong person and waste both of your time.
As with any other kind of dating, it is always best to be honest from the start so answer all questions honestly and finding your perfect match will be much easier!
8. Show Your Funny Side
I think if you can make someone laugh or someone makes you laugh, you’re on the path to a good relationship. Show people that you have a sense of humor, e.g. talk about a scene from one of your all time favorite comedies and you may strike a chord with someone else who found the same thing just as funny as you.
9. Dream a Little
Write about your dreams and ambitions. If your dream is to travel the world but you haven’t quite got round to it there may be someone out there who would like to share this experience with you. If you’ve been lucky enough to fulfill your dreams, share your story with other members.
10. Don’t Mention The Ex!
Ok, so you may have just come out of a relationship and be feeling sad and lonely but don’t write about it. It will put a lot of people off and you may come across desperate, which is not an attractive trait. Make online dating a new start for you and promise yourself not to dwell on past relationships.
11. Your Expectations
What are your expectations from joining an online dating site? Tell people the kind of relationship you are hoping to find but don’t say you are looking for marriage if you are really looking for a casual fling and vice versa. Again, you will waste both of your time.
12. Write a Chapter, Not a Book
By this I mean, don’t tell your whole life story in your profile. I encourage you to provide as much information as possible about yourself but use short bursts of information, sectioned by paragraphs, rather than writing a long essay so whoever is reading it is intrigued to find out more about you.
13. Be Safe
Finally, do not include any personal information in your profile, e.g. your e-mail address, home address, work address or telephone number. A reputable dating site will remove any personal information before it appears live on site; this is to ensure that they provide you with a safe online dating environment.
Once you’ve completed your profile, read through it or ask a trusted friend to read through it and ask, would you reply to this person? If yes, it’s all systems go. If no, look at the areas where it can be improved until you’ve created that winning profile. It may take longer than 5 or 10 minutes but the results that will show in your inbox will be worth it!
Steps To Get Noticed And Get A Date Online
If you want to achieve success with online dating, you will need to educate yourself with the online dating scene. Online dating sites provide a service for people to meet but a dating site can only do so much of the work and input is required from you if you are serious about meeting a partner online.
Whilst thousands of people are joining dating sites every day, hundreds are not making the most of the services a dating site has to offer. I’m no psychic but I’m pretty certain that someone who writes a dull or uninformative profile, doesn’t include a photo and makes no effort to contact anyone will not be inundated with invitations for a date.
By making a few simple changes to the way you are dating online, you could see instant results meeting people you would never have met before so don’t be a wallflower, stand out online and be proactive in your search for a date.
1. Sell Yourself
Your profile is like an advertisement and you need to sell yourself in the dating game.
The eye-catching part of you profile is your photo. Include a photo of yourself (not someone else or a cartoon!) and you could increase your responses by as much as 8 times.
Answer all questions honestly, be positive, focus on your good points and provide members with just enough information about yourself so that they are eager to find out more. Please don’t talk about exes or how miserable your life is…. it won’t attract people to you!
2. Search Outside of The Box
We may all have an idea of our ideal partner but just because someone is slightly younger, older or from a different town doesn’t mean they won’t turn out to be your ideal partner! Most dating sites provide a search facility to vary your search settings so if your search results don’t reveal anyone who catches your eye try widening your search settings.
3. Get Intimate Anonymously
The beauty of online dating is that you can get to know someone without revealing any personal details. Emails are sent using an anonymous messaging facility so take advantage of this and spend as long as you wish getting to know someone. Don’t feel pressured into meeting up with someone you have just met online. If they are serious, they will be happy to wait if this is your preference.
4. Make The First Move
Don’t be shy – you make the first move. Remember everyone online is serious about meeting someone so, if you see someone you like, contact him or her first. Don’t wait for someone to contact you.
5. Make Conversation
Show your interest – The best way to get someone’s attention and get a response is to ask a question specific to his or her profile. This shows you have read their profile and are interested in them.
Flatter them! – Don’t be afraid to use your charm! Whether you like their photo or you are impressed by the fact that they have run the marathon – tell them. Everyone likes receiving compliments.
Make them laugh! – I think if you can make someone laugh or someone makes you laugh, you’re on the path to a good relationship. Be witty and amusing in your messages and they will look forward to hearing from you.
Be flirtatious, not rude! – Don’t be afraid to flirt a little if that’s how you feel but equally don’t be too flirtatious as it could be taken the wrong way. Never talk about sex or imply this is what you are looking for.
6. Keep a Little Mystique!
Whilst I would encourage you to talk openly and honestly about yourself so that people get to know you try not to tell your whole life story in one e-mail. Hold a little something back for the next message.
7. Arrange a Chat Room Date
Chat rooms are another great way to chat instantly with someone without revealing any personal information. A quality chat room will also provide the facility to have a private one-to-one chat with someone so if you’ve messaged someone, why not invite them to meet you in the chat room at a specific time and day… just like a “real” date. You can then decide whether you want to take it further “offline”.
8. Chat on The Phone
If you’re thinking of arranging a date with someone, chat to him or her on the telephone first but use the blocking feature to prevent your number appearing on Caller ID. Go over topics that you’ve mentioned in emails to verify that what he or she has told you is the truth. Ask yourself if the voice you are talking to is someone you feel comfortable with and someone you could trust.
9. Don’t Be Disheartened
If you’ve sent a message but haven’t received a reply, don’t be disheartened. There could be many reasons why someone hasn’t replied to a message you’ve sent; the recipient may not have logged on for a while, their membership may have lapsed or they may not be a full member entitling them to reply back to you.
If you’ve sent one message then follow it up with a second message to show him or her that you are genuinely interested. If you still don’t get a response, move on to the next person!
10. Give People a Chance
If you receive a message from someone who does not immediately tick all of your boxes, don’t rule them out straight away. Reply back to him or her and try and find out a bit more about them. You may have more in common than you first thought and, if not, at least you can say you tried.
11. Be Polite When Rejecting
If you don’t like someone who has contacted you, do not be rude or offensive. You can either ignore them (hopefully this will get the message across) or politely tell them you are not interested. A reputable dating site will provide a facility to “block” nuisances sending you messages so, if someone is pestering you, don’t be afraid to use this tool.
12. Be Safe!
Do not give anyone your home telephone number, address or workplace address until you have met a number of times and are 100% comfortable with that person. Remember that people can be whoever they want to be online – wait until your instincts tell you this is someone you can trust.
If you find you don’t get many responses, you may need to think about alternative conversation starters or rewrite your profile.
Hopefully you’ve got the idea now so it’s over to you! Good luck and remember to have fun!
How To Make Online Dating Work For You
With the sharp increase in the number of internet users, online dating has likewise continued to thrive. Online dating is currently occupying the largest proportion of paid up advertisement on the web. With more than a thousand dating sites available today,competition for matchmaking has become an all important aspect of the big players in the market. It is imperative to note that when a big player in finance, technology sets sight on online dating, then there is money to be made.
Initially the idea of dating on the internet was associated with a lot of social stigma.It was thought of as a way for social misfits to meet. Come the 90’s and following the release of the Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan box office hit “You’ve Got Mail”,online dating started being regarded as an effective and intelligent way for people to meet and even start relationships. Online dating become a favored method especially for busy career people who had little time to socialize. With time it has caught on not only as a matter of necessity to meet people but also as a trendy thing to be involved in.
In traditional dating people are restricted to talking to people present in their social setting and people who one has no idea about their likes and dislikes or even their personal compatibility. Online dating provides the element of selectivity where the users are able to browse their potential partners profiles before actually communicating with them. There is also the advantage of not having to struggle with breaking ice as a simple hello in most cases often serves the purpose. There is also the option of selection, as there are thousands of people to choose from.
There are, however, some obvious dangers associated with online dating. The most common of these are false profiles leading to misconceptions and disappointments about potential partners and security issues such as date rape and kidnapping upon meeting people initially met on the internet. This does not make online dating an unsuitable choice as the same risks if not worse are encountered by those who stick to the traditional modes of dating.
All said and done, this fast growing dating method has brought a revolution to the world of dating as we know it.
Top Mistakes Men Make When Contacting Women Online
Here are the top ten things that you should avoid when contacting women online. This will be the most important online dating and relationship advice that you read all year.
Sending her ‘just’ a wink
Most internet dating sites let you send “winks” or “show interest” for free. But what does this say to her about you? When that really hot girl gets your wink, she sees a guy that’s not serious about wanting to contact her and too cheap to fork over the $20 membership fee.
What a wonderful way to start off a relationship… Not!
She also knows that a wink is an easy “cop-out”. Anyone can scroll through hundreds of online profiles and wink at everything that moves. So, from her perspective, why should she spend time on you when there are dozens of guys taking the time to send her real messages every day?
Not having a recent QUALITY photo in your profile
This one should be easy, but the fact is, most men do not upload their photo. The statistics on this one are very clear. Profiles with photos get 10 times more looks than those without; and profiles with QUALITY photos get 4 times more looks than profiles with poor photos.
Let me ask you… When you log on to a dating site and search, don’t you search for women with photos in their profile first? Why would she be any different? Many women will assume that you have something to hide if you won’t post your photo – like maybe your wife…
If you don’t like your photo, have a professional one made. There are many professional photo services that do nothing but create great photos for your online dating profile.
If you want to stand a chance against the other guys out there, upload a good quality photo. Oh, one more extremely important note – make sure that you upload a RECENT photo. Nothing is more disappointing than to meet someone and realize that the picture they sent you was 20 years and 40 pounds ago!
Sending a message with a boring subject
Fact #1: Guys out number girls by at least two to one on most online dating sites and that’s a conservative number.
Fact #2: Good looking girls get dozens of winks and messages in any given day.
You can have the most awesome profile and you can send her the most intriguing message, but she may never see it because you failed to capture her interest with the subject of your email.
Give her a reason to open your message first! It has to stand out among all the others, or it has a high chance of getting deleted and never read. Spend just as much time crafting an intriguing subject line as you do in writing the rest of your message. Ask her a question or specifically reference some detail in her profile so that she will know you actually read it and are truly interested in more than just her looks.
Sending her a vague, generic or otherwise lame message
So you took the effort to become a paying member of a dating site, and want to make the most of your membership. But then you came up with a standard boilerplate message, and you quickly copied and pasted it to dozens of girls. Go you! At least that’s what you think…
Ok, reality check. Women like to feel special and important. They can smell a lame form message a mile away, and the delete button is always close at hand. So, why not take a different approach? Actually read her entire profile (we know it’s painful, but do it anyway!), learn everything you can about her, and then send her an insightful, personal message.
Remember, you’re messaging her and she needs to feel that she is the only girl in the entire world that you are interested in. Keep your messages fairly short and concise. Compliment or make reference to some thing or things you found interesting in her profile. Then, conclude each message with a “clear call to action”. Always be friendly and polite, but tell her what you would like her to do next. Don’t leave her wondering. An example is “talk to you soon” or “drop me a line”.
Taking too long to respond to her message
With all the buzz around the seduction and “pick up artist” community these days, many guys are afraid of scaring women away by appearing too eager or desperate. So they get her message and then wait… and wait… and wonder when it’s “ok” to answer her.
Let’s clear this up. Responding promptly is not a bad thing. It will likely help you stand out from the other dozen guys that messaged her today. Like most opportunities in life, you’re far better off striking while the iron’s hot. Get over it and message her back. In fact, do it while she’s still logged on. Forget the “head games” and be yourself. Women are attracted to confident men who are comfortable in their own skin. Be yourself and you’ll be fine!
Asking for her personal information too soon
So you messaged this really great looking girl, and she responded with a basic “Hi” message. Now what? You want her real email address, her phone number, her work number, or better yet her address so you can go there now, right?
Stop! Asking her for ANY personal information in your first messages is a quick way to kill the relationship before it starts. Think of two dogs approaching each other… what do they do? They approach slowly and cautiously, and proceed to sniff each other. Why do they do this? They’re getting to know each other. People are the same in many respects.
Don’t scare her off. Take it slow and let her get to know you before requesting personal information.
Making sexual innuendos in your first message
Yes, she’s really hot and yes her profile seems flirty and sexual… So you think it’s OK to be overtly sexual when you try to contact her, WRONG! Unless you’re on AdultFriendFinder or other adult site, sexual innuendos are unlikely to help you. They’ll most likely torpedo any chances you might have had with her. So don’t do it.
Sending her money or a credit card number
Yes, the ever popular Nigerian (or whatever country is in on it this month) money scam. Social networking sites, including online dating sites, are plagued by scammers. And guys you know are falling for it every day…
Remember, the whole “if it sounds too good to be true” idea still stands! If your online profile is really bad, and all of a sudden a girl strangely resembling a supermodel emails you and promises to make all your dreams come true, take it slow. And DO NOT send money or other financial information to make her come to you.
Checking out her “really hot” nude photos on her personal website
The ever popular “cam girl” phenomenon is surprising scores of new men on a daily basis. So, what’s a “cam girl?” Well, let’s say you’re searching profiles on <pick a dating site, any site> and run across this great looking girl. She looks friendly, approachable, and is wearing a highly suggestive outfit. To make it better, her profile has a link to her “private website” where you can “see more of her”.
What luck! So you click on that link, and to your surprise, you have to “verify your age by providing a credit card number”. Hmm. If you want to browse an adult site, then proceed and enjoy. But recognize this for what it is – often a teenage high school male pretending to be a really hot girl in order to make money by sending happy surfers (read: you) to a pay-per-view adult site.
Not knowing what you really want
The last blunder is actually by far the most important one… Put simply, most guys use the shotgun approach to dating and hope to hit something, anything. Then they wonder why they’re not happy with the women they meet. Not exactly the best approach for the most important aspect of your life, is it?
Before you join ANY online dating site, take a step back and figure out exactly what you’re looking for… What type of woman do you really want to meet today? That way you don’t waste your time messaging a really great looking ‘single mom’ when you know full well that you don’t want children. If you are an outdoorsman, you probably don’t want to spend time messaging a woman that tells you in her profile that she is allergic to the sun. (Yet another reason to actually read her profile.)
It will be well worth your time to understand what you’re really looking for!