The How To’s of a Relationship

How To Give Compliments And Sound Sincere

The key to giving compliments is sounding sincere so that the recipient of the compliment is truly flattered and appreciative of the compliment. An insincere compliment does not convey the same message. If you are giving the compliment for your own personal gain, your lack of sincerity will result in the person receiving the compliment not really feeling touched by your words. Sincere compliments are simple, timely and they are not premeditated. A sincere compliment is also often given in the presence of others.

When complimenting someone it’s important to keep your compliment simple and specific. A compliment that is too over the top sounds forced and does not seem sincere. Instead of gushing about the recipient of the compliment offer a simple compliment on a specific achievement. The simplicity of the compliment will sound more genuine than if you had gone into great detail in your compliment. Also offering a compliment on a specific achievement instead of making a generalization shows that your compliment is sincere because you realize the importance of the achievement. Offering a sincere compliment doesn’t have to be difficult, just keep your words simple and focus on the reason you are giving the compliment.

Offering your compliment in a timely manner is also important to sounding sincere. A compliment is most likely to be perceived as being genuine if it is offered relatively soon after the achievement is attained. For example it would be appropriate to offer a college a compliment on a job well done on a project within a day or two of completion of the project because you see them on a daily basis while not offering the compliment almost immediately may result in it being perceived as insincere. However if you hear that a former co-worker has just received a promotion it is appropriate to wait until the next time you see them to offer your compliment or you may send them an email within a week or two of hearing the news. In the first example your daily contact with the other person warrants a compliment be given quickly while in the second example your distance allows you to wait a little longer before offering a compliment without the compliment seeming forced or out of place.

Sincere compliments are spoken from the heart and are not premeditated. A true compliment is spoken freely and without much thought while rehearsing and planning a compliment appears obligatory and insincere. While thinking before you speak is generally a good idea, putting too much thought into a compliment can have the effect of not seeming genuine. When offering a compliment let your emotions speak instead of calculating your words and your compliment will seem sincere.

Additionally a sincere compliment is also either given in writing or offered in front of others. Doing this places additional validity on the compliment. A compliment offered in writing or in the presence of witnesses conveys sincerity by virtue of the fact that the person offering the compliment is willing to allow proof of the compliment. Compliments given verbally with no witnesses may in fact be sincere but offering the compliments in front of others is more effective if you want to appear sincere.

Finally the most important and also most obvious way to give a compliment and sound sincere is to truly believe in the compliment you are giving. If you are genuinely impressed with a person or their actions and offer an honest compliment, your sincerity will shine through and the other person will be duly impressed and flattered by your compliment. It may sound overly simple but resist the temptation to give a compliment that you don’t really mean. Compliments are also given for reasons other than sincerity such as personal gain and these compliments are rarely seen as sincere. However, when a compliment is given simply because there is a feeling of admiration for the person receiving the compliment, the sincerity is obvious.

The art of giving a sincere compliment involves a number of factors. Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that a sincere compliment stems from a genuine feeling of admiration. Also offering a compliment without thoughts of personal gain is also imperative to giving a sincere compliment. While these two factors ensure that your compliment is sincere the next few factors ensure that your compliment is received as being sincere. Speaking from your heart and not rehearsing a compliment and offering your compliment in a timely manner and preferably in front of others create the appearance of a sincere compliment.

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How To Fight Fairly

In any relationship worth having conflict is bound to arise. The true test of the relationship is whether or not you feel that it is worthwhile to resolve these conflicts and if you are able to do so in a fair and objective way. Key elements to fighting fairly include sticking to the issue at hand, being open to listening to the other person, not involving others in the fight, not bringing up old issues and finally being willing to accept responsibility and let it go when the fight is over.

It’s important to know what you are fighting over and to stick to that issue in the argument. If you allow things to build up over time and then explode with many grievances at once neither you nor the person you are fighting with will have a clear understanding of what the issue is or why you are fighting. It is important to address each issue as they arise to alleviate resentment and fighting that does not have a clear focus. Sticking to one specific issue in a fight is the fair way to fight and it’s also the most successful way to fight. If both parties involved have a clear understanding of why they are fighting you are much more likely to reach a mutually amicable resolution.

Listening is a very important component of fighting fairly. It is imperative to allow the other person to offer their side of the argument. Fighting without listening will not be effective because it does not allow you to be open to the other person’s opinions and justifications. The other person may have a very valid reason for their actions but if you are only interested in what you have to say and are unwilling to listen you will not hear their point of view. Another aspect of listening is to really understand what the other person is saying. It’s very easy to not hear the intent of a person’s message. In a fight you want to actively clarify the other person’s statements and give them the opportunity to affirm or negate your interpretation of their argument. Listening attentively and understanding the other person’s argument is a very effective and fair way to fight.

Bringing others into a fight is not a fair way to fight. It is important that the fight take place between those directly involved and that neither party elicits the help of friends or family members to validate their position. It doesn’t matter how many other people agree with you, that does not necessarily make you right, so don’t involve others in your fight. This is not only not fair to your partner but it is also not fair to those who are dragged into the argument. While you may have many people who agree with you and believe you are right, bringing them into the fight just isn’t fair and also isn’t effective.

In a fair fight it is also important to not bring up old issues. A fair fight will remain focused and bringing up the past distracts from the current issues and also sends the message that the past has not been forgotten. If you partner feels that you are bringing up old issues, he may begin to feel as if the current fight is not worth fighting because it will not be forgotten. If you convey the message that you are not willing to forgive and forget you are not fighting fairly because your partner will feel as though the argument is no longer worthwhile. Also, bringing up old issues is not fair because they are not relevant to the current fight. A fair fight is clearly focused on a current conflict without dredging up old issues.

Another key tactic for fighting fairly is to be willing to accept responsibilities for your own actions and be willing to reach a resolution and move on from the argument. Those who fight fairly are prepared to concede the fact that they may lose the argument. Losing the argument means either that you admit that you were solely to blame in the situation or that you are unable to convince the other person of your argument. What is important in a fair fight is not who is right or who is wrong but that the couple is able to reach an amicable agreement and that they are both able to progress and leave the fight in the past.

Fighting fairly is crucial in a healthy relationship. Disagreements are natural and resolving them in a fair way is imperative to a thriving relationship. Not fighting fairly is indicative of a relationship that is not healthy. A fair fight however incorporates the key elements of focus, listening and resolution without involving third parties in the fight. A fair fight is also left in the past after resolution. Fair fighting leads to resolution in most cases.


How To Forgive AND Forget

We have heard the saying many times that, “It’s easier to forgive than to forget,” but the truth is that unless you are capable of forgetting you never really forgive. Forgiveness is the act of excusing someone for their offense but unless you are also willing to forget their transgression you aren’t truly forgiving them. Refusing to forget a wrong action against you results in a lingering grudge between you and the other person. Although you may have told them that you have forgiven them, the memory of their actions remains with you and creates a prejudice towards them that results in a lack of trust in the future. True forgiveness involves both forgiving and forgetting and this can be achieved by understanding your own feelings as well as those of the person who wronged you, expressing your feelings in a rational matter, realizing that your relationship is more important than being right and finally accepting your partner’s apology.

You may have been wronged in a situation and your feelings of anger may be completely justified but it’s important to truly understand your feelings in order to forgive and forget. It is imperative that you realize that the actions of the other person may have hurt you or made you angry but that reacting in a hostile manner as a result of these feelings is not beneficial to your relationship. While your feelings of hurt of anger may be justified, taking the time to work through these emotions before offering forgiveness will help you to forget your partner’s words or actions. If you rush to offer forgiveness before you have had the opportunity to vent your own frustrations it will be difficult for you to forget your partner’s wrongdoing. You also need to understand the feelings of the person who offended you. It is also important to speak to your partner about why they committed the offense against you. It is not fair to them to make assumptions about why they acted the way they did. Giving them the chance to express their side of the situation will give you a better understand of why they acted the way they did. You may learn that everything was a misunderstanding or that you were not hurt intentionally. Allowing the other person a chance to offer their take on the situation will enable you to see their motives. Understanding your own emotions as well as your partner’s will help you to really forgive and forget.

Dealing with your own emotions in a calm and rational manner is also crucial to forgiving and forgetting. Your partner may be wrong and you may be completely justified in your feelings of anger but it’s important that you not act strictly on emotion in this situation. Acting and speaking out of anger can elevate the tension in the situation and deter the forgiveness process. Give yourself a little time to manage your own feelings and collect your thoughts so that when you approach your partner you are able to speak about your feelings in a rational manner. It’s best to wait until both you and your partner are ready to speak about the conflict in a calm and rational manner. If you are truly interested in forgiving and forgetting when you have been wronged, wait until both parties have calmed down to ensure that neither one speaks out of anger and destroys the chance for true forgiveness.

A crucial aspect of forgiving and forgetting is valuing your relationship more than you value being right in an argument. While you may be completely right in a situation, being right is not worth destroying the relationship over. If you are able to put your love for your partner ahead of the vindication of being right you will be more willing to forgive and forget. Also, forgiving and forgetting will allow your relationship to continue to flourish because working through conflicts makes a relationship stronger.

Finally you can never really forgive and forget unless you are truly willing to accept your partner’s apology. Harboring feelings that the apology isn’t genuine will damage the relationship because you will never forget their offending action. Listen sincerely to your partner’s apology and have faith in them that there apology is heartfelt and genuine. Then let them know that you accept their apology and are willing to not let this situation interfere with your future interactions.

True forgiveness involves not only excusing the transgression but also effectively forgetting it as well. You can not truly forgive someone if you don’t also agree to forget the offense. Refusing to forget indicates a lack of trust in your partner to not repeat the offense. While deciding to forgive and forget is a personal matter a few suggestions for doing so are to understand your feelings as well as the feelings of your partner, taking the time to rationalize your emotions before you act on them, valuing your relationship enough to truly forgive and accepting your partner’s apology with an open heart.


How To Demand Respect AND Get It

Respect, as it applies to people, is defined as a feeling of esteem for a person. This feeling is generally a result of a person’s achievements. While all people deserve respect, it is an unfortunate fact that many people do not receive the respect that they deserve. There are several ways however that you can put yourself in a situation where you will begin to receive the respect that you deserve. In general the keys to demanding respect and getting it are treating others with respect, treating yourself with respect, conveying a sense of confidence, not being afraid to make decisions and dressing appropriately. These key factors will help you to gain the respect you deserve.

If you expect others to treat you with respect, one of the first steps you must take is to begin treating others with respect if you aren’t already doing so. If you have a disrespectful attitude towards others it will be difficult for them to feel respectful towards you. Treating others with respect demonstrates that you are worthy of respect yourself because it shows that you are capable of holding others in esteem. If you do not give others their due respect, many people will see you as a person who is not compassionate of others and not willing to understand the value of others. Many bosses will try to demand respect by being authoritative with their subordinates. While authority is a characteristic that commands respect, this is often taken too far and if the boss does not recognize the employees achievements the employee will most likely be resentful of the boss and not feel respectful towards him. On the other hand a boss that maintains an authoritative air while also being supportive of his employees and willing to listen to their ideas will gain the respect of his employees.

Treating yourself with respect is another key element to receiving respect from others. Self respect is seeing yourself for your innate worth and acting accordingly by treating yourself with esteem. It’s important to treat others with respect but by the same token you must also treat yourself with respect. While self-deprecating humor may be your way of coping with your perceived inadequacies this type of behavior demonstrates to other that you do not feel you are truly worthy of their respect. In order to gain the respect of others you must first treat yourself with respect.

Confidence also inspires a sense of respect. Being confident, without being arrogant, is a sign that you know your abilities and past performances are worthy of respect. Knowing that you are a highly capable person and not being afraid to let others know this is another way to demand respect and get it. Exercise caution with using confidence to command respect though. Over confidence may have the reverse effect and result in you not receiving respect. Knowing your abilities and being confident in yourself will go a long way in ensuring that you earn the respect of those around you.

Decision making is another aspect that could be a determining factor in whether or not those around you respect you. This goes along with confidence in that if you are sure of yourself you will not hesitate to make the right decisions in any situation. An ability to make decisions without wavering or being unsure of yourself will inspire confidence in those around you. While it’s important to seek advice and counsel from others, if you are in charge of a situation the decision is ultimately yours to make. If you make valid decisions without showing signs of doubt you will be respected for your ability to take a stand and act on what you believe is right.

Dressing the part is also very important in earning the respect of others. While casual clothing may be acceptable in many work places you will find that those who are in a position of authority and command respect often dress less casually than those who are not well respected. While your clothes are not an accurate indication of your abilities others around you may jump to conclusions based on your appearance. While this is a sad fact of life, it’s important to acknowledge that this does exist in society and take care to always convey a professional appearance. Doing so will help you to earn the respect of your friends and colleagues as well as your employer.

Perhaps the most important factor to understand about respect is that, in most cases, it is not given automatically by others but that it must be earned. You can earn the respect you deserve by treating yourself and others with respect, being confident and unafraid to make important decisions and dressing in a way that shows that you have respect for yourself. All of these aspects will help to ensure that you are not only demanding respect but also getting it.

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How To Give Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is given without any expectations, limitations or any other definitions. In other words when you love someone unconditionally you do so without expectations that the sentiment will be returned, without placing restrictions or conditions under which the love will be expressed and without establishing defining parameters for when, where or why the love is felt or expressed. There are many examples of relationships where the love is unconditional. The love between romantic partners, parent and child, siblings and even friends can all be examples of unconditional love. The most important factors of unconditional love are that it is completely free of restrictions or expectations.

In giving unconditional love, it is important that you have no expectations of reciprocation. You offer your love freely and do not demand that the feeling be returned. Unconditional love is about you and your feelings and does not involve trying to create the same feelings in another person. While you may hope and wish that the feeling is returned, truly unconditional love does not hold any expectations that a mutual feeling exists. If you hold the expectation that your love for the other person is going to eventually be reciprocated and your love endures based on this expectation then it is not truly unconditional love. One example of unconditional love without any expectations is the love between a parent and child. A parent may love their child unconditionally and while the feeling may be reciprocated by the child, the parent’s love will endure regardless of how the child feels. Your unconditional love exists even if the other person does not have reciprocal feelings towards you or any intentions of ever having such feelings.

Unconditional love also exists without any restrictions or limitations under which the feeling will remain. Truly unconditional love endures any transgression imaginable. When you give your unconditional love, you do so knowing that the actions or words of the other person will not result in this loving feeling being revoked. Even intentional acts meant to hurt you are overlooked when they are inflicted by someone with whom you have an unconditional love. Also, unconditional love is not used to attempt to control the actions of another. Telling someone that they will lose your love if they do things you do not approve of is not unconditional love. Romantic partners often have a feeling of unconditional love. When this exists in the relationship, neither partner uses their love to control the other or threatens to revoke the love if their demands are not met.

Truly unconditional love is given without any defining parameters. When unconditional love is given, it is done so without the understanding that the love will only endure as long as certain conditions exist. Unconditional love exists without thought of setting definitions or other limitations on the love surviving. Siblings are good examples of unconditional love that exists without any definitions. While siblings may fight throughout their lifetime there is a bond that is present always and is never challenged. Siblings may become angry with each other but their unconditional love transcends all boundaries and survives through countless arguments and misunderstandings.

Those who have an unconditional love for another always want the best for the one they love and allow them to be free to seek what will truly make them happy. Unconditional love involves wanting the best for the person you love and understanding that they need to be free and make their own choices to achieve this level of happiness. While you may believe that you know what is best for your loved one, it’s important to let them learn things on their own and pursue opportunities and experiences that they believe will make them happy. They may end up making wrong choices but if you love them unconditionally you will always be there for them and will not judge their actions.

Unconditional love is truly free of any expectations, limitations or definitions. This is a love that holds your loved ones best interests and happiness above all other things including your own happiness. When you offer your love unconditionally it is important to realize that you have no right to expect that your feelings will be returned or that your loved one will act and speak according to guidelines you set forth.


How To Say “No” and Mean It

It may be hard enough to say no to a request but really meaning it can be even harder. Many of us are already perpetual suckers who find themselves challenged to even considering answering no to a request. Those of us who are able to say no, at least initially, often end up giving in and conceding to the request because the one in need was able to see that our answer wasn’t firm and persisted until we gave up and surrendered to their request. A few tips for how to say no and mean it include using a firm voice and not offering apologies for your answer, offering a valid reason for your refusal and consistently answering no if the request is repeated.

A firm and determined tone in your voice is the first step to being able to really say no and mean it. If you allow your tone to be light the person making the request of you will probably sense that your refusal is not firm. If your voice does not sound definitive, the other person may make the assumption that your answer is not definitive either and will take another opportunity to repeat their request either immediately or at another time. A firm voice however, makes it clear that you are not interested in answering yes to this request and that future attempts to get you to acquiesce will be futile. The tone of voice you use is important when saying no because it conveys the message that you really mean no.

It is also important to not offer apology when you say no. Doing so may lead to the person making the request believing that you don’t really mean no. While it is acceptable to say that you are sorry you won’t be able to help out, offering you apology simply for saying no is not appropriate. If you apologize for your answer, the person making the request will sense that you can be convinced to change your answer. Apologizing for a refusal conveys a sense of guilt and many people will prey on that vulnerability to get you to change your mind.

Another way to convey the message when you say no is to offer valid reasons for your refusal. This is extremely effective because it lets the person no that your refusal is not based on whim and that you truly have a legitimate reason for not being able to offer your assistance. You may be too busy to help or have other previous commitments and it is acceptable to offer these excuses to justify your refusal. If the person making the request understands that you would like to help them but that it’s simply not possibly, they will be less likely to repeat their request. Offering valid excuses for answering no to a request proves that you really mean no and that future attempts to get you to agree are not reasonable.

Saying no to a request initially sometimes is not enough to prove that you really mean no. While you may answer firmly and without apology and offer valid excuses for your refusal, there are some persistent people who may continue to repeat their request in the hopes of receiving a positive answer. In this scenario it is imperative that you be consistent and answer no every time the request is made. In doing this you will affirm that your answer is no. A lack of consistency may result in the other person realizing that you can be worn down over time and that if they continue to repeat their request they will eventually get the answer they are seeking from you.

Saying no can be incredibly difficult but really meaning no and being firm in your answer can be even harder. In order to be able to say no and really mean it you have to ensure that your tone of voice is firm and that your answer does not offer apologies. You also have to be sure that you offer valid reasons for your answer and that your answer remains consistent no matter how many times the request is made. All of this can be difficult especially if you are truly interested in helping others but you also need to realize that you have a right to say no for any reason and that your answer should be respected.

Jason Smith

I am a Marine who now works as a Web Developer. I have five US States left to visit. I like whiskey, wine, and coffee, soaking in hot springs or in my hot tub.

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