If you think your partner is cheating on you and feel that you have a reason to be suspicious you may be able to do a little creative detective work on your own and find out the truth. If you don’t want to do this on your own you can also look into hiring a private investigator to follow your partner and let you know definitively whether or not your partner is cheating on you. Hiring a private investigate can be costly though so if you can do a little investigating on your own you might be able to avoid this cost. While you may be able to investigate on your own to find your answer you should make sure that before you begin your investigation you are prepared for the answers you may receive. If you have your suspicions about your partner, you probably already realize that the relationship is in trouble but you also need to be ready for a revelation that could put an end to the relationship.
If you share credit cards or phones, these statements could become part of your investigation. Review the credit card bill each month to search for suspicious charges. Repeated hotel charges or charges to flower shops can be an indication that your spouse is cheating especially if you haven’t received flowers from your partner lately and haven’t spent nights in a hotel recently. The phone bill can also give you some clues as to whether or not your partner is cheating. Be wary of frequent calls to a phone number that you do not recognize. If you find these suspicious phone charges either call the number yourself or have a friend do it. You may find that it’s a friend or relative who must have gotten a new phone number unbeknownst to you or you may find that it is someone with whom your partner is having an affair. If you call the number and find that it belongs to someone you don’t know, try to get some information about their involvement with your partner without being judgmental about them. It is important to remember that this person may not even know that the person they are seeing is involved in another relationship. Another way to use credit card and phone statements as investigative tools is to ask your partner straight out about suspicious charges. If they have reason to be ashamed about the charges, their reaction will most likely give you the answers you were seeking.
Another deceptive way to catch a cheating partner is to ask questions about where they are going and take note, without their knowledge, of the mileage on the odometer before they leave and after they return. If you know where they are going you can use the Internet to determine the mileage to the location where they said they would be. When they return, make and excuse to go into the car and while you are there check the current mileage. If it doesn’t match up with what you expected from your earlier investigation, confront your partner about it. If they seem to have trouble explaining where they have been, it may be an indication that they are cheating.
Asking a lot of detailed questions can be another way to catch a cheating partner. If your partner is going somewhere without you, ask questions about where they will be and who they will be with. After they leave, wait a few minutes and then try driving to the place where they had told you they would be. If you don’t find their car parked where they had said they were going, this may also be an indication that your partner is cheating. Again confront them on this and see if they can offer a valid explanation for not being where they said they would be.
Still another way to catch a cheating partner is to pay careful attention to details. This will allow you to pick up on inconsistencies in what your partner tells you. If you often catch them in seemingly little, white lies or if they frequently offer contradicting information about where they have been, you may have a partner who is cheating on you.
Catching a cheating partner may not be a pleasant experience but it is better to find out the truth sooner than later. As unpleasant as it may be, if you have your suspicions about your partner cheating there is a very good chance that you have a reason to be suspicious. Whether you investigate on your own or enlist the help of a private investigator, catching a cheating partner may not be a difficult task.
Getting Beyond “He Said/She Said”
The term, “He said/she said” is often heard in the unfortunate case of rape. In this situation the term applies to the fact that when there is little factual evidence on which to base a decision the jury is left trying to determine who’s story they believe and the case becomes one of her word against his. These cases perhaps illustrate the problems regarding he said/she said that couples are faced with in a relationship. Beyond the fact that in a rape case one or both of the parties may not be telling the truth, exists the underlying problem that men and women think and process information differently. The differences between men and women include differences in thought process, sensitivity, memory, and communication. A successful relationship is one that recognizes the difference between men and women and is able to get beyond the he said/she said scenarios.
Men and women have a different thought process when it comes to solving problems. While both sexes are capable of solving problems equally well the thought process involved in coming to a resolution varies between men and women. For men a problem is an opportunity for them to demonstrate their problem solving skills in a quick and efficient manner. Men see having the problem solved as the ultimate goal and they believe that the best solution is the one that is quickest and most efficient. Women on the other hand see a problem as an opportunity to work together and reach a resolution. Women relish the chance to communicate about the problem and the act of working together to solve the problem is more important than actually solving the problem. Women may feel closer to their partner, even if the problem still exists, if she feels that the resolution process drew them closer together. Understanding that women and men view the problem solving process differently will help a relationship to prosper.
Sensitivity is another area where men and women differ. Women have a heightened sense of sensitivity relative to men. This heightened sensitivity results in women being more prone to act on their emotions rather than on rational thought. A woman’s sensitivity allows her to understand her own feelings as well as those of others better so her reactions tend to take feelings into consideration above logic. However, men do not have the same level of sensitivity and therefore are more likely to make their decisions based solely on logic and not take feelings and emotions into consideration. This disparity can result in problems during a relationship because the woman assumes that the man intentionally tried to hurt their feelings if they make a decision that has this effect while the man may grow frustrated if he believes the woman made an irrational decision. Realizing that this difference exists will help a couple go get beyond he said/she said.
Men and Women also differ in terms of memory. Men have a memory that is stronger in situations where they can recall the details of an event by making an association with something concrete such as a location or item. For example men are more apt to remember an event that took place in a location that they are able to visualize well. Women on the other hand have a memory that is stronger when they are able to associate the emotions felt with that memory to other memories where they had similar emotions. This type of memory is especially problematic because when I women becomes angry with her partner, she is often able to recall other situations where he has angered her. Unless the difference in memory is recognized it can become a source of frustration in a relationship when the man and woman don’t understand why their partner doesn’t remember something that is so vivid to them.
Men and Women also often have different communication styles which can complicate a relationship. Men tend to be more introspective about their problems and choose to deal with them internally and without discussing them with their partner. When they do decide to discuss a problem it’s usually after much thought and careful consideration. Women on the other hand enjoy conversing about their problems with their partner and believe that doing so helps them to understand their problem better and come to a solution more easily. Women often use communication as a method for reaching a conclusion. They view the discussion as a way to figure out a solution. The he said/she said aspects of communications must be understood to avoid frustration and disappointment in a relationship.
Men and women have different styles when it comes to problem solving, sensitivity, memory and communication in a relationship. Careful observance and understanding of these differences is necessary for a relationship to flourish. Understanding these he said/she said principals and being willing to get beyond them will help to minimize difficulties in a relationship in regards to gender differences.
How To Choose a Marriage Counselor
Admitting you need the assistance of a marriage counselor is the first step to salvaging your troubled marriage. Once you and your partner have acknowledged your need for professional help, the two of you will need to choose a counselor together. Choosing a marriage counselor is a very personal thing. The right counselor for you and your spouse is the one that you both feel comfortable with and have confidence in their ability to help you resolve your problems. You may find counselors who come highly recommended and who have helped friends and family members of yours but unless you have faith in the counselor they won’t be able to help you. Choosing a marriage counselor may be hindered by the fact that your marital relationship is already troubled but it’s important that you work together to choose the right marriage counselor if you are serious about saving your relationship.
Seeking recommendations from trusted friends and family members who have employed the use of a marriage counselor is a good place to start your search. You can take the opportunity to ask your friends and relatives what they liked and didn’t like about the counselor who helped them and use this information to determine whether or not you have any interest in having a consultation with their recommended counselor. In speaking to your friend or relative try to ask questions that elicit specific responses about the marriage counselor’s demeanor and techniques without asking your trusted source to divulge any sensitive details about their counseling sessions. You need to understand that worked for others may not help your marriage but having a few trusted persons make recommendations is a good place to begin your search.
Next, utilize the Internet to research marriage counselors in your area. Look for counselors who have web pages that describe their education, life experience and techniques for conflict resolution. This type of information is useful for deciding before you even meet them if you think they can help you. If there is anything about their website that bothers you, trust your instincts and cross them off your list of potential marriage counselors. Trusting your marriage counselor is extremely important so if there is anything that bothers you right away, then they aren’t the right counselor for you because you will go into the sessions feeling guarded which will hinder your progress.
In a relationship that is already troubled, it might be worthwhile to do the preliminary research on available marriage counselors separately. This will allow the two of you to decide what you are looking for in a marriage counselor without further complicating any pre-existing issues in your marriage. Seek recommendations from friends and family members and do your Internet research separately. Once you have both compiled a list of potential counselors compare your lists and agree to interview those that overlap on your lists. If you do not have any overlap, agree to each choose two candidates and meet with these four marriage counselors in the next step of the process.
Once you have selected a few potential marriage counselors, it is time to set up initial consultations with each of them. These consultations will give you the opportunity to meet with each counselor to get to know them a little better and learn about their conflict resolution strategies. It is also a chance to determine how comfortable you feel around this counselor and whether you will be able to open up to him or her and express your true feelings. This is also your opportunity to decide whether or not you truly have faith that this marriage counselor is the one that can save your marriage. Prepare for these sessions ahead of time by coming up with a list of questions that will help you to obtain a better understanding of the counselor and their methods. In coming up with these questions, either work together with your spouse to develop a list of questions or encourage your spouse to do so on their own so that you are both prepared for the initial consultation. As with your Internet research if there is something you just don’t trust about one of the marriage counselors in your initial consultations then trust your gut and eliminate them from your list. An initial consultation is an excellent way to get all your questions about the marriage counselor answered and to become acquainted with the counselor on a personal level. Your initial consultation with a marriage counselor is probably the most important step in determining if they are right for you and your spouse so take this step very seriously.
Once you and your counselor have met with all of the marriage counselors on your proposed list, it is time to make your decision. Hopefully, the two of you will agree on a counselor and will be able to begin your sessions immediately but if you can’t reach an agreement try another method to determining which counselor to choose. You could try a method such as having each partner rank the candidates from 1-4 in order of preference and then agree to choose the counselor who receives the lowest combined score. While this method may sound silly, it is important to remember that you are going to counseling because there is a problem in your marriage and further aggregating the problem by arguing over a marriage counselor may lead to one of the partners deciding that counseling isn’t worth it and giving up on the relationship.
Choosing a marriage counselor can be a difficult and stressful process but it’s imperative to remember that this is an extremely important decision that deserves your utmost attention. Choosing the right marriage counselor is critical to the success of the counseling sessions. An already troubled marriage can be further weakened by the process of choosing a marriage counselor so you and your partner should exercise caution not to allow yourselves to argue over this process. The right marriage counselor will be able to salvage your relationship as long as you and your spouse are committed to using the counseling to solve your problems.
Don’t Just SAY You’re Sorry – Prove It
The words, “I’m sorry” can get us out of trouble when we’ve done something wrong or hurt someone we care about but the key to a good apology is really meaning it and convincing the other person that you are truly remorseful. Apologizing just for the sake of keeping the peace is not an effective way to apologize. In doing so the recipient of the apology will most likely see through you and realize that your apology is insincere. A sincere and well timed apology, however, will help to mend the relationship that was harmed by your words or actions.
The most important way to prove that you are truly sorry for hurting someone is to ensure that the hurtful action is not repeated. Apologizing over and over while continuing to make the same mistake shows that your apology is not really sincere. On the other hand if you really mean that you are sorry for an action you will take careful steps not to repeat this action. Apologizing for your actions is one thing but being cautious not to repeat your actions really proves that you are indeed sorry.
Being specific regarding the reason for your apology also really proves that you are sorry. Many people are quick to offer an apology when they realize someone is upset with them but often they don’t take the time to figure out why the other person is upset. Apologizing without stating the reason for the apology shows that you don’t understand the problem and that you aren’t sincere in your apology. This is not an effective way to make an apology. However, if you offer a specific reason for your apology you are proving that you understand what you did to hurt the other person and that do not want to repeat that action.
Another way to prove that your apology is authentic is to be sure to offer the apology in person. Having a third party speak to the person you have offended or apologizing via email or voice mail conveys a lack of caring. This kind of apology shows that you aren’t truly sorry for your actions. Meeting with the person face to face to have a sincere conversation and offer your apology is one way to really prove that you are sorry. It shows that you care enough about the other person to meet with them directly to try to make amends for your contributions to the disagreement.
In apologizing, if you want to prove that you really mean it, be careful not to place blame on the person you are apologizing to. Your apology is about telling the other person why you believe that you did something wrong. While they may have contributed to the situation, now is not the time to point out their faults. Instead take full responsibility for what you have done wrong. Accepting full responsibility for your actions and apologizing for them without placing blame on the other person will prove that your apology is sincere.
A genuine apology will also include telling the other person why your actions were wrong and how you intend to avoid hurting them in the future. Doing this proves to them not only that you understand you were wrong but that you understand why you were wrong. It also lets them know that you have already formulated a plan of action to ensure that this situation does not arise in the future.
The timing of your apology can also help to prove that you really are sorry. Waiting too long to apologize may show that you don’t really care and that you are simply apologizing as an afterthought. An apology that is made too early may risk being ignored because the recipient of the apology is still too upset to listen to what you are saying. It’s important to give the other person a chance to vent their anger and calm down before rushing to apologize. After a reasonable amount of time approach them and let them know that you understand their anger and believe that it is justified and that you wanted to give them a chance to calm down before apologizing.
Sometimes it is not enough to simply apologize for your words or actions. It is often necessary to not only apologize but to also prove that your apology is sincere. A truly sincere apology proves that you are sorry by addressing the issue and acknowledging what you have done wrong while validating the other person’s right to be angry and addressing how you will avoid similar actions in the future.
10 Ways To Recharge Your Romance
Early in a relationship the romance factor is very high. The romance is seemingly effortless and it seems as though the romance will never fade. You may find, however, that over time the romance does fade and the relationship doesn’t seem as exciting as it did in the beginning. This is natural as a couple becomes more familiar with each other they begin to make less of an effort in the romance department. When this happens it is time for the couple to start making a conscious effort to recharge their romance.
Recreating your first date can be one way to recharge your romance. Both partners probably put a tremendous amount of effort into their first date and it was probably an incredibly romantic night for both of you. Reenacting this first date by not only returning to the sight of the first date but also putting the same effort into preparing for the date can help to recharge your romance by reminding you of how exciting your relationship was in the beginning.
Leaving your work at the office is another way to recharge your romance. If you are constantly allowing your work life to interfere with your romantic life it is time to put your romance ahead of your career. While it is okay to talk to your partner about work and how your day went, obsessing over work is not acceptable and can put out the fire in your romance rather quickly.
Giving your partners flowers or small gifts for no reason can also recharge your romance. This lets them know that you still think about them when the two of you are apart and that your love for them is always on your mind. The gifts don’t have to be expensive or extravagant but if they truly come from the heart they will help to recharge your romance.
Another way to recharge your romance is to be spontaneous. Romance often fades when a relationship becomes routine and the partners begin to take each other for granted. Spicing things up by suggesting new activities on a whim can reintroduce the romance in your relationship. Too much planning and debate about what to do or where to go can put a damper on the activity or trip before it even takes place. Excessive planning can make something seem dull while spontaneity has the opposite affect of making the activity seem more exciting.
Spending time apart can also recharge a romance. It may sound counterproductive but having your own activities and interests keeps you from becoming bored with your partner. Spending time together is very important but spending time apart is equally important because this time apart gives you the chance to grow as an individual which can enhance your relationship.
Quality time together, just like time apart, can also help to recharge your romance. You need alone time as a couple to reconnect and nurture your romance. A night out on the town for just the two of your or a quiet night alone at home can be equally effective for recharging your romance. Without this time together a couple will not have the opportunity to express themselves to their partner in a romantic way.
Incessant arguing can destroy the romance in a relationship. If you find that you and your partner are arguing constantly or over every little thing, it’s time to really evaluate the relationship and figure out why you are arguing so much. Believe it or not, you may find that this arguing is a subconscious attempt to try to recharge your romance. Arguing invokes passion and you may be trying to bring that passion into your relationship. If you find yourself doing this, it’s time to realize that the arguing is having the opposite effect and that you have to stop this unhealthy pattern. Once you realize that there are other ways to recharge a romance your arguing will subside.
Making a concerted effort to impress your partner can also recharge the romance in a relationship. As a relationship progresses there is often a sense of familiarity and comfort that emerges and results in the couple feeling as if they no longer need to try to impress their partner. They may begin to let their appearance go or stop going out of their way to please their partner. Reversing this by returning to your old ways of trying to impress your partner can go a long way in recharging romance in a relationship.
Taking a trip together can also have the effect of recharging your romance. While planning a trip may be stressful most people relax and enjoy themselves once they reach their destination. Planning a trip with your partner will give each other the opportunity to enjoy each other’s company without the worries and hassles of everyday life.
Turning off the computer for a few days can be a really simple way to recharge your romance. Many couples use their computers often to check email, search the Internet or chat with others and this time spent on the computer can really add up and begin to take time away from your partner. Time can fly when you are computing and you may find that you have wasted an entire night on your computer. You may find that if you turn the computer off for a few days, you have a lot more time to spend with your partner and the romance may naturally return to your relationship.
It is natural for romance to begin to fade if the partners begin to take each other for granted and stop trying to impress each other. Romance doesn’t exist on its own; it needs to be nurtured in a loving way in order to survive. Recharging your romance may seem like a daunting task but it really isn’t. Making an effort to spend time together, showing your partner that you care and scheduling time together and apart are all simple ways to recharge your romance.
10 Ways To Reawaken Passion
If your relationship is starting to lose its passion you may need to make a conscious effort to re-ignite the spark in your relationship and reawaken the passion. Sometimes it may take elaborate plans and gestures to reawaken the passion in your relationship and sometimes it may just be small seemingly insignificant things that can help you to reawaken the passion in your relationship.
Planning a romantic weekend getaway can be one way to reawaken passion. A trip to a spa or a romantic destination can help to put the passion back in your relationship. This type of trip gives a couple the opportunity to step away from their everyday lives and spend some time focusing on romance.
Treating your partner with respect can also be a simple way to reawaken passion. Sometimes people get in the habit of taking their partner for granted while they continue to treat complete strangers and casual acquaintances with respect. People tend to work harder on casual relationship than they do on their romantic relationship because they take their partner for granted. Making an effort to impress your partner, however, can help to revive the passion.
Doing something new and adventurous can also help to reawaken the passion in your relationship. Try an activity that you have never done before such as skydiving or water skiing. Participating in an adventurous sport can make you feel more alive and this will transcend into your relationship and reawaken the passion.
Holding hands is another way to reawaken the passion in your relationship. This simple act draws you and your partner closer together. Most couples hold hands all the time early in their relationship but as time goes by they begin to do so less and less often. Grabbing your partners hand and holding on while you run errands can make your partner feel desired again and this will help put the passion back in your relationship.
Another way to reawaken the passion in your relationship is to plan date nights. Spend some time getting dressed up and plan a night out on the town. Putting this level of effort into a dinner date makes it feel much more special and romantic plus it gives you a chance to let your partner know that you are still interested in spending time with them. No mater how busy your week is, plan to have at least one night a week where the two of your connect in a special way. Even if it’s just some quiet time at home after the kids go to bed or even a family game night with the kids, it will give you time to bond.
Taking care in your own appearance is still another way to reawaken the passion in your relationship. If you feel good about yourself, you will be more appealing to your partner. Spend a few extra minutes getting ready to go out and really pamper yourself. This will give you a confidence boost that can help bring the passion back to your relationship.
Complimenting your partner can also help to reawaken passion. Noticing when your partner puts extra effort into their appearance lets them know that you still find them desirable and attractive. Even complimenting them when they aren’t all dressed up, lets them know that you love them for who they are and not just their appearance.
Even just planning trips that you would like to take in the future can reawaken passion. Spend an afternoon thinking of trips you would like to take together and make a list of all the places you want to go and all the things you want to do. This type of daydreaming draws a couple closer together and can revive passion.
Spending some quiet time together daily can be another way to reawaken passion. Plan on having at least a few minutes alone with your partner each day to help put the spark back into your relationship. Taking time to reconnect daily can help keep the passion in your relationship.
Taking a bath together can also help to reawaken passion in a relationship. This is a very sensual activity that makes you both feel pampered and gives you the opportunity to reconnect on a physical level. Beyond that it can also give you a chance to relax and unwind after a hard day of work and sometimes it’s the stresses of everyday life that are putting a damper on passion.
If your relationship is starting to lose its passion it doesn’t mean the relationship is over. All of these examples are simple ways that a couple can reawaken the passion in their relationship. As long as the love still exists, it is possible to bring back the passion.